I am reminded that it is not for me to build a stronger relationship with God. In Neal A. Maxwell's All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, Elder Maxwell teaches that our relationship is established to God through our lineage. We can do nothing alter this reality. Instead, we can possibly draw closer to God, worship, adore and obey but our relationship is established in the premortal life and will remain into the eternities.
I have gone through my battles, maybe even foolishly sought out a battle of wills with my Heavenly Father. I have sought out complexity rather than simplicity. I thought that by proving to God that I in fact have my own agency--a fact I needed not prove to the source who granted it to me--I could find joy independent of His help or blessings. Elder Maxwell captures my foolishness...
"...do we childishly want to play-act just a little longer-risking righteousness and true happiness merely in order to be reassured about our independence?"
I have definitely been guilty of this in my past. I am beginning to learn, by the sweat of enduring the trials He has allowed to enter my life, that true freedom comes from living the commandments, surrounding myself with friends who fear and love God, and ceding my will to His.
It is also about doing more than avoiding the bad. It is about actively pursuing the good. Elder Maxwell teaches "even if we avoid wickedness, our journey will end in the suburbs, somewhere short of the City of God."
I desperately want to make it to the City on the Hill. But there are days I feel weak. Elder Maxwell teaches about a key source of inner strength...
"When weary legs falter and detours and roadside allurements entice, the fundamental doctrines will summon from deep within us fresh determination. Extraordinary truths can move us to extraordinary accomplishments."
I know that focusing on the fundamental doctrines of the gospel and committing to living the pure religion of Jesus Christ will, and has in large measure, offer me the fresh determination that the trying times of the present require.
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